So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize