I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
