I bet he comes in French.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Houston, we have a squirter
he's gonorrhea incarnate
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
