Where did you get a picture of my penis
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
