woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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