He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
