I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
