I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
so much tequila, so little girl.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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