pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
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Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
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I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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