she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
