Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
My liver just had a heart attack.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
