I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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