This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
