Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
