You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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