my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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