the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
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