I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
