i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
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Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
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after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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