I'm retarded. Again.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
21 Guys Share Their Insane Stripper Stories
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
27 Reasons Why Men Need To Moan More During Sex
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens