Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
