9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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