Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Four minutes until I can fart!
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
