Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
