my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
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