Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
