your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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