how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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