Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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