On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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