Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
The best revenge is premature balding
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
