Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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