I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
