youre lurking in front of me
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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