My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We were destined to go to rehab together
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
