You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
