i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
