he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
