lets start a swedish sibling band together
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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