I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
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