Quick, to the slutcave!
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
