Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
