Apparently you make a good broom.
i think i have herpe
just one?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
