ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
