Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
