I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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