I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
