make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I think your dad took our porno
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
