The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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