Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
