"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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