Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
cat food counts as protein by the way
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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