I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
