so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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