Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
