after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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