grandma shit on top of the toilet
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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