Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
