he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I think I am morally bankrupt
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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