Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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