So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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