please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
